Five years. What have I learned. What have I become.
Looking ahead while never being able to move entirely beyond my past, I seek to explore the dualistic relationship we share with memories. On one hand, we act as a spectator, looking on our memories – mutilated and repetitive – hoping to grasp a semblance of insight into what has become of our life. On the other hand, our memories act upon us, calling us back, pushing us forward, and always remaining presently embedded into our very nature.
To this extent, I have collected and arranged all of the video files located on my phone, camera, and computer. This myriad of memory sources are then transformed into a chronological yet decontextualized encapsulation of my life over nearly five years. Heartache, disruptive behaviors and tendencies, travels, events, encapsulated moments of media, all splayed out and externally decontextualized expositions of myself. Moments where I am most vulnerable are now transfixed with moments of stillness. Moments of inner strength, now bleached and oversaturated by moments of the mundane. It is at this juxtaposition that meaning and context is lost and only replaced by my own image.
Presented in a way not unlike the temporal, ever altering, and ethereal quality of memory, the interaction between these moments and my visage varies in semblance and focus. Within this work, I seek to explore moments of highness and solemnness that stay with me and escape me. Through the overlapping and overpowering imagery, what emerges is not a linear story as these moments alone may portray, but a disrupted and disembodied visage – taking shape and finding form through the interposition of these projected works.
This project comes as a response to defining who I am in the world.
For those interested, the unedited, chronological montage of my life as filmed by my camera phone and DSLR can be viewed here: